Thursday, 20 December 2012

Winter Solstice 2012 Preparations and Ritual Guide

Tomorrow is the last Winter Solstice of this Great Year and marks the end a 26,000 year cycle of human spiritual evolution. On this special day, we will finally close the door on the Old Way, on Humanity’s long period of separation from the Goddess.

While tomorrow is a day to celebrate this incredible ending, it is also a solemn day. During this period Humanity has been on a huge rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and all souls have experienced great pain and suffering along the way. All that pain and suffering is not going to magically evaporate on the last day of the Great Year, but it does mean that dealing with it will gradually become much easier. In a way, tomorrow is like the end of a huge war that has lasted thousands of years –and like with any war, after the euphoria of ‘victory’ comes the big clean up. So, while we have achieved something momentous that needs celebrating, it is also important that we take a moment during the day to acknowledge the suffering that so many people are still living with.

Many people have been asking me what we can do to ritualise the Solstice and what time the actual event is. Some people will celebrate as the sun comes up, as they do the Summer Solstice but the exact timing of the Solstice is the moment that the Sun enters the sign of Capricorn. This will happen at 11.12am GMT – the last minute being 11.11 to 11.12!

While it would be entirely fitting to have a celebration or party it would be highly beneficial to symbolically ‘close the door’ on the Old Way and to take time to pray for world peace before Humanity moves on to the next 26,000 year cycle.  

Solstice Ritual Timings

Sunrise – 11.11am (GMT)

This would be a good time to perform cleansing and purification rituals both for yourself and for Humanity as a whole.

11.11am (GMT)

Symbolically or in your mind’s eye ‘close the door’ on the Old Way. You may even want to visualise the whole of Humanity joining together to close a huge door on pain, poverty and suffering.

Once the door is closed make a silent, spoken or sung prayer for World Peace.

11.12am GMT

Welcome in the new 26,000 year cycle by wishing people a ‘Happy New Great Year!’

Then celebrate to your heart’s content!! : )

If you live in another country, work out your Winter Solstice plans according to your time zone, making sure you perform cleansing rituals beforehand then the door closing and minute prayer at the 11.11 am GMT equivalent, and conduct your celebrations any time thereafter.  


Cleansing Ritual

If you feel you would like to conduct a cleansing ritual, you can choose any activity that feels meaningful to you. The activity you choose is less important than the intension you use when you do it. Here are some suggestions:
1. Write a list of all things you would like humanity to let go of then burn them (please be careful how/where you do this!)

2. Use smudging or incense to cleanse yourself or environment

3. Take a special bath or shower and ask the water to cleanse you

4. If you have crystals, cleanse them in water. It is especially good if you can do this in a fresh spring, stream, river or water fall

5. Have a mini spring clean in your home – hoover, de-clutter, empty rubbish etc.

6. Conduct a short fast from daybreak or midnight on the 20th until 11.12am on the 21st   

7. Light a candle and say a prayer asking Humanity to be cleansed of the past

See you on the Other Side!

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

The Festival of the Returning Goddess

In 10 days we will come to the end of a remarkable and terrifying 26,000 year long journey which has taken humanity to the heights of creative power and the depths of spiritual despair. Humanity's period of separation from The Goddess will come to a definitive close on Winter Solstice 2012. This is not to say there will be an immediate change or a sudden end to suffering, all it means is that a period of intense learning has been completed and we will now begin our journey back into the Light, here on planet earth.

Many people believe our suffering is a sign that human beings are 'bad' or have made some kind of terrible mistake but we have simply been experiencing the growing pains that come with a developmental stage. Mother Earth is a physical expression of the Divine Feminine and Humanity carries the spark of the Divine Masculine Spirit which seeks to expand, grow and to understand itself as as something separate. Therefore, Humanity is essentially the 'boy child' of the Earth Goddess. (In Biblical terms Mary represents the Mother Goddess and Jesus her human son who must leave her behind so he can Ascend to 'Heaven' and be with his Father God.)

Every boy must break his attachment with the feminine in order to develop into a mature, autonomous man. Boys go through a bewildering and often painful period of separation from their mother (and from girls) in order to define their masculinity. During this period they often differentiate themselves from all things feminine in order to feel more rooted in their masculinity. Separation from the feminine is also marked by power struggles and hierarchical initiation rites which take place between boys as they struggle to define their masculine power amongst peers.

During these years of separation, boys are free to develop their masculine identity, power and their autonomous 'otherness'. Once this process of differentiation is complete, the Divine Feminine pulls them back with intense sexual urges that call them like a siren song. Having successfully broken free from The Mother aspect of the feminine, the masculine then seeks to reunite with the feminine through sexual union with The Maiden aspect of The Goddess. During Humanity's separation, men were trying to leave the Mother but not yet mature enough to join with the Consort aspect of the Divine Feminine as equals. This meant that men's sexual relationships with women were often conflicted and dominated by the mother/ whore complex. (Men who are attracted to other men either identify primarily with the masculine principle and search for 'femininity' in other men or they identify with the feminine principle, even though they are incarnated in a masculine body. The converse is true for women who are attracted to other women.)

Humanity is ready to let go of the power struggle against the feminine because we have successfully defined our 'masculinity'. Humanity has come of age; it has developed its autonomous power and formed an identity which is quite separate from the Mother Goddess. In the last 100 years humanity reached its ultimate 'masculine' power by becoming capable of destroying Earth and being able to leave by going into space. This is akin to a boy reaching the stage where he knows he can physically overcome his once all powerful mother and when he knows he must leave home and find his own way. When he reaches this point, he knows he has left his boyhood behind and become a man. (Check out Space Odyssey 2001 for an wonderfully insightful film about this human/masculine plight.)

The process of separation has been a collective experience that we have all been equally involved in. It is important to acknowledge that every human soul has incarnated on both sides of this power imbalance which means at some point in our journey we have all experienced being both abusers and victims. For any genuine healing to take place, we must eventually develop compassion and forgiveness for our collective suffering. Ultimately, it is the willingness to come out of denial, heal and forgive that will lead us all to an evolved Higher Consciousness. Jesus was able to forgive those who betrayed, oppressed, tortured and murdered him because he understood that his oppressors were spiritual children who did not understand what they were doing.

Masculinity is not innately 'bad', but left unchecked by the balancing feminine counterpart, it will ultimately become destructive. At some point the masculine needs to consciously channel the power it has attained through separation back into the feminine so that balance can be restored. Both feminine and masculine powers are required for a peaceful world based on equality and for this to be made possible, women will need to step into their power and men will need to welcome 'feminine' leadership qualities in women and within themselves. It doesn't mean things should turn into an inverted Patriarchy where women are 'in charge', it is simply that men will have to humbly step down from their pedestal and women will have to rise up to meet them in the middle.

We can go no further in our separation from the Mother Goddess or the Divine Feminine. The process of separation is like an elastic band that eventually stretches to capacity and now it must be released or it will snap. Humanity has reached this 'breaking point' and the next Great Year will be about our path of Return. In many ways we are in a very precarious position and many aspects of our current existence will 'snap' or be lost. However, anything we have created that no longer serves us needs to break so we can be released and begin our journey of return. This 'break down' phase is also part of the plan and is not to be feared because ultimately it will bring new growth.

During the period of separation, The Goddess has taken on the Crone aspect of the Divine Feminine and submerged Herself into darkness. We have been lost to her and She has been lost to us. But as we begin to come back down to Earth, Her inner light is rising up to meet us. The fire festival Imbolc at the beginning of February brings with it the first signs that the Light is returning and the Goddess is stirring beneath the harsh winter landscape. Imbolc 2013 welcomes the Returning Goddess who will bring Light and warmth to us all – not just after this year's winter, but after a winter that has lasted many thousands of years and has caused much human suffering.  

I will be celebrating this auspicous date as the 'Festival of the Returning Goddess' over the whole weekend of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd of February and I really hope you will join me... 


Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Death, Rebirth and What Comes Next...

Since I began writing this blog, my understanding of 2012 and the objectives of this website have evolved beyond all recognition. Initially I thought I was going be recording insights and general observations while encouraging others to take on the 2012 ‘spiritual challenge’. However, almost as soon as I committed to writing MissionPossible2012, my personal world began falling apart on a major scale. Suddenly I found myself right in the middle of the 2012 process instead of simply observing it. I wonder if perhaps unconsciously I had committed to writing this blog to help me remain conscious during the challenging process I was about to undertake...

A few weeks after I began this blog, I had a major break up with Mr Wonderful – the ‘spiritually aware’ man I felt I had been waiting for all my life. After two years together, I was devastated to discover our relationship was a long way from ‘conscious’ but rather it was based on mutual dependency which was cleverly covered up with fantasy and illusion. Then soon after we split, I reached breaking point with (most of) my family and finally walked away after years of trying to work things out and find a resolution. Shortly after this I suffered a second severe prolapsed disc that landed me in hospital and required urgent spinal surgery. When I came out of hospital to recuperate in October 2011, I thought I had reached rock bottom in my life and would soon be on the way back up, just in time for the arrival of 2012. I thought there couldn’t possibly be any more for me to have to face up to and deal with. How wrong was I!!! 

I began 2012 with the worst depression and anxiety of my life. I had severe mood swings which went from suicidal to homicidal and I felt complete terror whenever I thought about my future. Though these feelings were triggered by my hospitalisation and all the painkillers, all they had done was lift the lid and reveal the underlying hopelessness and pain I had been carrying deep within me since childhood. I felt like I had fallen off the edge of the earth. I had no sense of security, purpose or direction and I felt completely powerless to do anything about it. I couldn’t believe I had been struggling with my healing for over 20 years only to end up single, childless, jobless and incapacitated the age of 40. Hardly a Beacon of Light for Humanity!

In this sorry state I psychically ‘called’ an ex. Sure enough, 5 weeks later I received an email. We had not had any contact for about three years, but he had searched for me online and found my email address. In 2007 I had resolutely walked away from our (extremely) dysfunctional on-off relationship in search of Mr Wonderful. However, I had not yet reached an inner resolution; I had simply put my intense desire for him in a securely padlocked box and hidden it under the bed for safe keeping. Despite the enormous difficulties in our relationship, I still held onto our ‘special’ psychic bond and believed us to be soul mates that just couldn’t be together in the physical world. 

I would have never psychically called him to me if I hadn’t have been in such a weakened state, but as it turned out, I did need to take that carefully stored box out from under the bed and take another look inside. When he contacted me I wasn’t at all surprised and though I was extremely wary of getting involved again, I made the decision to consciously engage with my desire to find out what it was really made of. When I opened my heart to him without reservation I discovered to my dismay that our special bond was yet another fantasy based on dependency and power struggles that I was no longer interested in. So after eight years of intense attraction, I was finally able to let him go.

In 12 months I had lost the two most significant loves of my life. Once I let them go I found that I also lost the flame of inner desire, something that had been keeping me going all through my adult life. Never had I felt so completely and utterly cut off from the opposite sex. As this second relationship came to a final close, I knew that I had to move house and find a way to sort out my working life and finances, so when my back started to get bad again, I plummeted into an even deeper level of despair. On one level I understood I must still be in the process, it’s just I just couldn't understand what God wanted from me – it was like I was being asked to survive on thin air. I truly felt that if things were to keep going the way they were, I just wasn’t going to make it.

At the end of August 2012 I finally did hit rock bottom, a rock bottom I discovered, that had been following me around like a shadow since childhood. I had spent my life trying to out smart it, but it was always there right beside me. I had to face my deepest fears and I had to have everything in my life stripped away from me before I would be able to do it. I had asked for this experience because I wanted to heal and I was clearly ready for it, but that didn’t stop my terrified ego fighting every step of the way. But on the 23rd of August, I finally gave in to it; I allowed myself to die. I realised I didn’t need to physically die to bring my suffering to a final conclusion, I saw that I could allow myself to die and be reborn on a spiritual level. All I had to do was give up the struggle to survive and control and hand myself and my life over completely to the care of The Goddess.

For nearly 2 years I was gripped in Her birth canal being squeezed with increasingly excruciating, terrifying contractions. Somehow I had managed to survive the re-birthing process and I am sure that being aware of the 2012 Ascension process provided me with an anchor. As soon as I had completed my re-birthing, my life began to move forward again. I still didn’t have any idea where I needed to be or what I needed to be doing, so I asked for guidance and waited. Within three weeks I received three dreams all showing me that I needed to move back to Bristol, so I figured that this was whaty I must do. I had very mixed feelings about doing this but I had put my life into the hands of The Goddess and trusted the guidance I was given. Within two months of my Shamanic death, I was welcomed back to Bristol with open arms and my back was better than it had been in over 3 years.

Though the actual move unfolded perfectly, inwardly I was screaming. I had been holed up by myself in the countryside for months on end spending most of my time connecting with nature, Spirit and myself. Despite my isolation and foreboding about the future, I actually felt extremely comfortable and safe in my cosy flat surrounded by trees and beautiful countryside. I was feeling extremely sensitive, anti social and resistant and yet Spirit was clearly guiding me to move to back to the city. When I first arrived I felt like a new born overwhelmed with the noise and the lights and the people, and like a new born I screamed and cried with the shock. But I knew in my heart that I was exactly where I was meant to be and that in time I would adjust...  
All the time I have been writing this blog I have been wanting to get my own process ‘out of the way’ so I could get on with helping other people. What I didn’t realise was that MissionPossible2012 was really all about getting myself through the process – a process I had absolutely no understanding of until I had seen it through to completion. Part of the reason I was in such a hurry was because I believed ‘it’ would all be over by the end of 2012 but now I can see with absolute clarity that ‘it’ will only actually begin after the event, in the Spring of 2013. And I have also come to see that there is absolutely no urgency and no deadline to try to meet, because everything is unfolding exactly as it should

So, it seems this blog has fulfilled its mission 17 days ahead of time as I am already preparing for what comes next, for Imbolc 2013 and the Returning Goddess. It would also seem that the blog MissionPossible2012 is ready to evolve into something new... so watch this space!


Sunday, 2 December 2012

2012 Event in Bristol

2012: Aliens, Armaggedon or an Almighty Anti-Climax? Come and find out what 2012 is really all about...

Author, Shamanic healer and 2012 blogger Freja Shamanka shares her insights and vision for the future - just in time for the big event!

£3 (Suggested donation)

Talk @ The Arts House, Stokes Croft, Bristol
Wed 12.12.12 at 7.30pm

Refreshments available at the cafe bar; SPECIAL deal mulled wine and veggie hot pot £5

Facebook Event:

Thursday, 29 November 2012

The Doorway to the New Age

On the 21st of December 2012, the door will finally close on the last 26,000 years of human experience, the last Great Year. '2012' marks a collective shift of consciousness which is the natural result of the process of spiritual learning we have gone through during this long period. By 'spiritual learning' I mean the lessons, the struggles and the development of consciousness that has arisen directly out of our painful separation from Source. I say 'Source' because if I say 'God', it has certain connotations which can be misleading, because the 'god' we have been separating from is the feminine aspect, The Goddess – the mother from which we all came.

Although this Great Year has culminated in the most unimaginable suffering, the process we have been through has all been part of evolution of Humanity. Even though mind boggling atrocities continue to be committed by one human being against another every second of every day, a deep and lasting change in human consciousness has already occurred.

This can be hard to believe because as we begin to notice and talk about these abuses, they appear to be increasing. Actually they are not, we are just more aware of them and of the dire consequences they cause. One only has to think back to the time of the Roman Empire, Henry the VIII, or even the beginning of last Century to see that life in the West is nowhere near as brutal or (overtly) oppressive. We are coming out of denial about these abuses and the truth we have to face up to is deeply shocking and painful. The process of coming out of denial always feels worse because it was the denial that was protecting us from the pain.

One also only has to go back 100 years to also see that the human spirit is waking up to these abuses of power and collectively we are beginning to do something about it. Of course we still have a very long way to go to change our conditioned beliefs about power and to clear up the mess, but change is happening and that change is accelerating at an unprecedented speed. (We may think things are going slowly because we who are alive today have only ever known rapid change. But actually the last 300 years have seen more social and technological advancement than the entire previous 26,000 period. Comparatively, things are changing at lightening speed.)

So, you may well be wondering, what has all this got to do with the Goddess? Well, the answer to this is very simple. Around 26,000 years ago humanity began the journey of separation from the Great Mother so that we could develop consciousness. (In Biblical terms this separation from The Goddess was The Fall from Eden.) Just as a child must separate from it's mother to develop into an autonomous conscious adult, humanity has had to separate from the Great Mother that gave form to us all.

Human childhood involves a far more difficult task than simply learning how to physically survive. From a young age, children begin the incredibly complex struggle to define the Self, to discover personal power and to develop conscious awareness. During the last 26,000 years, Humanity as a whole has been going through this painful process of growing up and of developing consciousness. For that process to have been able to take place, the separation from the Great Mother and all the power struggles were absolutely necessary.

At the end of 2012, this process of separation will come to an end because we have gone as far as we needed to go. As soon as Humanity became capable of destroying our Earth Mother and to leave Her by going into space, we ceased to be children. That is not to say we have reached full adult maturity, (far from it!) but we have come of age. This means we are ready for the next stage in our development which involves learning the responsible use of our power and how to form equal unions with 'the other'. We are not about to return to the prehistoric Mother Goddess days, we are returning to Her as evolved beings who have completed a process of self actualisation. As we return to the Goddess, we seek to re-unite with Her as conscious, empowered adults.

In the next stage of our spiritual development will learn how to re-balance all the polarities that were created by The Separation, without losing the gifts of individuality and diversity. We will discover how to balance woman with man, masculine with feminine and Earth with Heaven. We will re-learn how to dig spiritual roots deep into the Earth so we can gain strength from Her as we continue reaching for the stars. We will begin to understand that opposites are just two sides of the same coin and that we have all lived out both sides on a soul level. We will learn how to relate to 'the other' as an equal and how to conduct conscious, liberated sexual relationhsips. 

But for all of this to become possible, we must first reawaken the Divine Feminine which had to be supressed for The Separation to occur. We must seek ways to incorporate Her into every aspect of our personal and collective lives. Once the door to the Old Way is closed on Winter Solstice 2012, we will be completely free to open the door to the Returning Goddess. However, the new door will not open to Her on the 21st December nor on the day after because we must pause to reflect and purify ourselves during the winter before we begin moving forward in the spring. The door to the New Age, the new Great Year and the Returning Goddess will open as the 'baton of light' is passed to the Goddess Brigit at the first signs of spring. This happens on Imbolc 2013 which next year falls on the 3rd of February.

Now that will be a day that is worth celebrating!


Sunday, 25 November 2012

The Dark Goddess and the Floods

Before I continue with the previous post, a little interlude...

All I can say is WOW. Crew's Hole Road has been closed between the flats where I live and Conham River Park and so I decided to venture down to have a look. Its a narrow little wooded lane with no street lighting. Without the threat of any cars being able to hurtle around the corner, I was able to walk along the dark passageway to where the road gets closest to the swollen river Avon.

It was eerily silent and peaceful, all except for the rushing of the river as it eddied through the trees on the river banks. It felt scary walking along the road, not because of the dark which I loved, but because of the threat of the torrential river breaking its banks at any moment. I reached the point where the road dips and found that the river was only 1 or 2 inches from reaching the top of its concrete containment.

As I stood there both exhilarated and awed by the power of nature; I remembered the the Dark Goddess. I remembered that the moon is currently waxing and only 2 days away from being full. I remembered that this full moon will also be a powerful eclipse, and the last one before the end of this Great Year, Humanity's 26,000 year journey of separation from the Goddess. I remembered that the Dark Goddess Lilith has made herself known through Her owl messenger, and that only a couple of hours before, I had been blown away by a beautiful picture of a huge red full moon with an owl flying beneath, wings outstretched. I remembered that earlier this afternoon I had smiled when I saw a man walking along who was wearing red tracksuit bottoms, a bobble hat and a little ruck sack with a huge owl on it.

I also remembered that these are Brigit's Isles, and that Britannia (Brigit Anna) is the land of the Goddess. I remembered and that Glastonbury (and the South West) is where we feel closest to Her and where we go to access Her energies. As I stood there silently remembering all these things, I said a prayer to honour The Great Goddess in all Her forms and I offered myself in complete service. And as I stood there, face to face with the Dark Goddess, I felt utterly and completely safe


Saturday, 24 November 2012

2012: Closing the Door on The Old Way

I have been blogging about my '2012' journey over the past 18 months, in a somewhat haphazard, meandering way. Suddenly here we all are with less than amonth to go and despite my 'best laid plans', I have only just received all the jigsaw pieces and been able to put them all together. Far more has gone on behind the scenes than I could possibly have shared with you – there just wouldn't have been enough hours in the day to write it all as well as live it. But now I have finally come out the other side and reached an inner peace and absolute clarity, I can see the meandering was all part of The Plan.

I am not sure where the time has gone but I do know this, no one is really talking about what happens next. (At least, not that I am aware of.) It seems that everyone is anticipating a big event on the 21st of December 2012 and that nothing beyond that date really matters. Perhaps this is because we believe it will either be the end of the world, the end of our time here on earth, the end of all pain and suffering or it will just be business as usual, so whatever is going to happen after '2012' seems pointless to even think about.

Those who are waiting for Armageddon will wake up on the 22nd of December scratching their heads wondering if perhaps they got the wrong date. Those who are expecting to be magically transported to a magical La La Land where there is no pain or suffering will feel the bitter pang of disillusionment. And those who have 'always been a little skeptical' will simply dismiss '2012' as another mass hysteria based on fantasy, and in some ways they would be right. Winter Solstice 2012 is not going to be a 'Hollywood style' end of the world nor will it be when a group of spiritually elite souls escape on a spaceship to some higher dimension and if we measure what actually happens by these fantasies, then 22nd of December will be just another day of Christmas shopping and a huge anti-climax.

People have become so fixated on 'what is going to happen next' in terms of external events, that many are missing out on what is already happening now. We are so used to the intense stimulation and mass hysteria created by the media and fanned by social networking, that for anything to have any real meaning or importance these days, it has to be BIG and LOUD and it has to send us reeling. If a global event has even the slightest chance of outshining a trip to the local cinema to see your average Hollywood movie, it would have to send the entire population of the world into a roller coaster ride of terror and catastrophe. Expecting Winter Solstice 2012 to unfold like an American disaster movie is like expecting God to wave his big finger down at you to let you know you've won the lottery. Thankfully, God is a little more subtle than that.

Those who are waiting for an earth shattering horrific global event to occur; it has already happened many times over – World War I and II are just the tip of the iceberg. Those who are waiting for the established world order to start crumbling; it is already happening in every corner of human civilization which is why there is such a sense of impending doom and an urgency in everything we do. Those who are waiting for someone to point us in the right direction and show us the way out; many enlightened spiritual leaders have already been provided - Buddha, Jesus and Gandhi to name but a few. All that is actually left to 'happen' is for us to close the door on the Old Way and reconnect with the Light. Thankfully people across the world have already begun this healing process and on the 21st of December 2012 at 11.20 am GMT, the door will finally close on the past.

This may well be the most momentous and significant 'event' in recorded human history, but there will be no need for you to go out and by popcorn and diet coke because there will be nothing for you to sit and watch. The only way to experience the awesome power of Winter Solstice 2012 is by joining with the people (and spirit helpers) who are already in the process of closing the door. To be part of 2012 all you need is the positive intention to close the door and to open your heart to the millions of souls who will be 'joining forces' with you in that moment, whether you can see them or not. If you decide not to join in with this collective prayer you needn't worry, the door will still be closed. But should you decide you want to experience the awe and wonder of '2012' then you will have to close your eyes and feel it. 

And as for what will happen next? Well, they say that once one door closes, another door will open...

To be continued...


Thursday, 15 November 2012

Trusting the Divine Plan

So this is what it is all about – it is about going with the flow. It is about paying attention and allowing things to unfold in their own time. It's about not having any agenda and not knowing how or where or when. It is about being completely open to Life and trusting something else is working through us. It is about being completely guided, not having any plan at all. But this is incredibly scary because it is about completely relinquishing my own will, (and I have an incredibly strong one!) and about dropping all attempts to control or direct my life. It is about aligning with Spirit so that Spirit leads me, rather than me trying to get Spirit to give me what it is I think I want or need, or to help me do what I think I should be doing.

As I go deeper into this letting go, I am becoming more aware of a deep underlying anxiety. It manifests as hyper sensitivity and alertness. I notice my muscles contracting, my breathing being tight and shallow. I become fixated on my health or solving a problem or worrying about the future, something which sometimes I do not even dare to think about. I know I am letting go and trying to hold on all at the same time. Or rather, my Conscious Self is letting go and my unconscious self is in a state of deep terror and recurrent waves of anxiety. I thought letting go it would be a clear moment, a specific event but it is not – it is a continual, gradual process. 

I want to be relaxed. I want to go with the flow – something I experience much of the time. But it threatens something deep inside me, so I am letting go, letting go, letting go - then suddenly I find I am gritting my teeth again. I realise I am going deeper and deeper into it, getting further and further away from all that feels safe and familiar – all those self imposed limits and strategies for staying in control. Part of me refuses to let go, or rather, I find myself contracting again as if my very life was at stake.

I know there is no way back to the way things were. My Conscious Self understands this and totally embraces it; but my ego thinks I must be about to fall. My ego wants it all to be over, to get back to feeling like I am standing on tried and tested solid 'real' ground. But now I am floating freely, joyously even, but not yet completely trusting that I am not going to come crashing down at any moment to hit the ground with a thud. I accept my fears and gently allow myself to adjust to this new reality, to accept that this floating sensation is is what it feels like to let go, to surrender completely. I strengthen my faith in The Divine Plan and my trust that when I let go I can be safely carried to where ever I need to go.

Every day is a genuine new adventure, every step a journey deeper into the unknown.... and scary as it is, this is what it means to truly live.


Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Have You Noticed All The Owls?

Everywhere I look I have been seeing owls. I see them on cards, purses, bags, teeshirts and owls made of feathers or felt carefully positioned in shop windows. Clearly they are in vogue at the moment but I am not talking about a few of them here or there, literally everywhere I look in the consumer world I see owls. I have been pondering on this for a few weeks now, but I just saw a photo of two owl egg cups on facebook and it got me thinking about them again – what could all the owls mean?

Last year around the same time of year, I had a tawny owl 'visitation' and wrote about it on facebook (Nov 21st 2011). Around the same time I also had a dream about a snowy owl floating above me in a wicker chair and dropping a quill in my lap. Then in the spring I found a dead owl in the road with its head missing but its wings and most of its feathers in tact which I was able to extract and use. Owl has become a very important animal totem for me personally and so I have been collecting owl images and ornaments over the past year and in my home, I felt drawn to make sure there was an owl presence in every room.

I had the Snowy Owl dream first which felt very significant, however the Tawny Owl visitation simply blew me away. I believe both hold the key to the meaning of all the owl energy we are now collectively experiencing. I had just finished doing a really positive shamanic reading on the phone and was chatting to another psychic friend when I heard a tapping on my window. I had my back to it and wondered what the hell it could be as I was on the first floor (above ground level). Still on the phone to my friend, I swiveled my chair around. As I turned, I saw that a tawny owl was sat there on my (outside) window sill. Not only had it tapped on the window seemingly to get my attention, but it had settled right behind a card I had propped up against the window which was part of a little Goddess alter. The card was Lilith and Owl is her totem animal.

After a few moments of me only being able to say Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God repeatedly to my poor friend on the other end of the phone, the owl then turned its head right around and looked me directly in the eye before flying off, hooting into the trees opposite. It was awesome not just that the owl had landed on my windowsill and looked directly at me, but that she had chosen to sit so her head was directly above Lilith. I nearly died on the spot with excitement – what a gift it was. What a powerful omen...

Within days I began the descent into what has turned out to be the most challenging 12 months of my life. It has been dark and painful and can only be described as an intense Shamanic death which (thankfully) culminated in late August. I am not going to go into that right now, but I do feel a strong need to share with you what all the owls mean. (If you haven't noticed them yet – next time you go to the shops keep your eyes peeled – they are literally everywhere!)

Owl medicine can mean many things but at this time she has made herself known to be acting as Lilith's messenger. I know this because Owl is Lilith's totem and one of her kind literally found an image of Lilith and placed herself by it then tapped on the window of someone who would understand the significance of her actions and then pay attention – something which I have continued to do ever since because the experience was so powerful.

Lilith is an aspect of the dark Goddess and represents feminine (sexual) power. The '2012' Ascension is all about the return of the Goddess and it requires the unleashing of the repressed aspects of the feminine, namely her sexual and spiritual powers. Lilith is by no means an easy energy to handle, (even for women because we are so out of practice,) but She absolutely must be honoured and embraced during the evolution of humanity. We will all need to call upon Her strength and guidance as we engage in the shifts of consciousness and earth changes which will be accelerating over the next few years. (2012 is the ending of the Old Way, next year is also a potent new beginning that will catapult us into the New Age and New Great Year.)

The owls have begun appearing in droves because the Goddess Lilith is making Her presence felt. Every time you see an owl, think of the Goddess and what you need to do to honour Her. If you are a woman, how can you take better care of yourself and what areas of your life do you need to step into your power? If you are a man, how can you improve your relationships with women or demonstrate more respect for the Divine Feminine?

At this potent time it is important that we all pay close attention to our intuition and to any significant nocturnal dreams. If you need guidance in any area of your life, call on Owl (or Lilith or The Goddess) before you go to sleep and ask her to guide you. Then pay attention to what you are shown in your dreams or through other signs in your waking life and trust you will be guided to what you need to to know. You can visualise Owl delivering you a message, meditate on Owl medicine or go on a Shamanic Journey to meet with Owl. The more you pay attention, the more support and guidance you will discover is available to you.  

Just one more important point on the significance of Owl and Lilith at this time. Today is a new moon (solar) eclipse and I thought I'd have a quick look at what both asteroid and Black Moon Lilith were doing at the time of the eclipse. Asteroid Lilith and Black Moon Lilith are conjunct (next to each other in the sky and therefore joining forces) and Black Moon Lilith (the dark, hidden aspects of the Goddess) is in an exact T square with Mercury (Messenger of the Gods) and Neptune (The Divine Realm). All three are at 0 degrees (in Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces respectively) The 'number' 0 representing both God and infinity... to quote Doreen Virtue about 0: 'God is talking to you. When you see a zero, it's a sign of the endless circle of Omega without beginning or end. God is trying to get your attention with a word of reassurance or Divine guidance.'

This eclipse has a VERY strong message from the Divine: Wake up to the Dark Goddess. She has returned and She needs you to start honouring Her and to start paying close attention. 

When I saw the photo of the owl egg cups on facebook (Hannah Turner Ceramics) and felt inspired to write about Owl as the messenger of the Goddess Lilith, I wasn't surprised to discover she is involved in today's solar eclipse - the last one at the end of a 26,000 year cycle of feminine repression. Tonight the moon (feminine) is totally eclipsing the sun (masculine) and making herself known through shadow. All the owls we find in our shops signify Lilith's potent return to our collective consciousness, and assures us that She is preparing our psyches for whatever is coming next. Ignore Her at your peril!


Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Ascension & The Evolution of Spiritual Consciousness

Having recently gone through yet another  'wave' – two in fact, I have had some new insights into the ascension process which I would like to share with you.

Each experience has been incredibly intense and often deeply traumatic; it feels like being out in the sea with huge waves crashing over me, sometimes pulling me under for a time. Despite being physically and emotionally exhausted from 19 months of this, somehow I am managing not to drown, though there have been many close calls! Despite the relentlessness of the process, I have a deep inner knowing that the waves are carrying me ever closer to the shore and that I am being completely supported through this process.

I feel like the Goddess is giving birth to me, that I am being born out of Her Cosmic Ocean and that these excruciating waves I have been experiencing are in fact birthing contractions. Whenever the contractions stop I take a deep breath and try to get back to some kind of normality. And each time, to my deep dismay and frustration, that find that I just can't manage it. I have come to realise that this is because I am still stuck in the birth canal! (My back is making damn sure I can't go anywhere or do anything until I am 'out the other side'; it is the limiting factor which is 'holding me down' and enabling the birthing to take place.) 

Each time the 'contractions' have stopped I have mistakenly thought this means that it's finally over. This is partly because I want it to be, partly because it has been going on for so long and partly because I really don't know what to expect once I have reached the 'other side'. I have been imagining that the end of this process will be marked by a gradual 'return to normality' with some exciting perks but I am beginning to see that this is no more likely than a new born baby returning to the womb once s/he has been born!

I now believe that when this birthing process is finally over, it will feel so completely different from being 'back in the womb' or 'squeezed through the birth canal', that there will be absolutely no room for doubt that the process is complete. Until then, I need to accept that there is absolutely no going back, that the only way out is through and that I cannot rush this process. No matter how much will power I try to use – it is going to take as long as it takes and I have come to accept that there really is absolutely nothing I can do but surrender to the process and trust that once I have actually been birthed – I will know I have arrived! 

I have come to believe that the Ascension is the Goddess (Earth) literally birthing the new evolved human being. This is not just a personal evolutionary process or even the evolution of humanity; this is an evolutionary shift of the Earth Herself. (I make no distinction between the Earth and the Goddess.)

Many moons ago I read somewhere on the net that we are entering into the 5th 'Kingdom' on Earth, or perhaps it would be more apt to say we are about to experinence the 5th evolutionary shift on Earth. Let me explain...

1. Out of pure energy the mineral 'kingdom' was born; 2. out of minerals the plant kingdom was born; 3. out of plants the animal kingdom was born; 4. out of animals the human kingdom was born and now, 5. out of humans a new 'spiritually evolved being' is being born. The Ascension of humanity is therefore part of the evolution of the planet; the Goddess is 'birthing' a more evolved aspect of Herself through humanity.

You can better understand this planetary process of evolution by observing the evolutionary process of an individual human being. First you have the seed of potential new life present in both the egg and the sperm, the gametes. Although these gametes carry within them a code of DNA, (the potential for human life) they are nothing more energy and mineral (matter) and if they do not develop into the next phase, they will simply return back to Source. Once these 'energised' minerals are ignited into life, they experience their first evolutionary shift into a growing zygote. The zygote then implants in the womb and becomes an embryo which developes into a foetus.

Once the foetus is ready to be born as a child, it is unrecognisable from its original 'gamete' state. This organism will have already been through a series of mind blowing evolutionary shifts, but it remains completely unaware of this. (As far as we know!) As the new born human being grows from a baby into a child it begins to develop consciousness: The older the human being gets, the more conscious it becomes of itself, its surroundings and its place in the world.

If you take this individual evolutionary process and apply it to the whole of humanity – it too has been through a similar process over many thousands of years. The Ascension process is humanity (as a unified whole) 'coming of age'; reaching maturity, self awareness and a high level of spiritual conscious. If you take the same process again and apply it to the planet, humanity is in fact one phase of evolution in the Greater Evolution of the Earth.  Humanity is 'The Child' phase in the Earth's evolution and now we have reached mature consciousness, we have begun to metamorphose into 'The Adult'; the Enlightened Being.

Here is an analogy of individual and planetary evolution in simple terms:

Gametes (pre-fertilisation; egg and sperm cells) = Mineral Kingdom
Zygote (unattached / floating fertilised egg) = Plant Kingdom
Foetus/Embryo (implanted zygote) = Animal Kingdom
Child = Kingdom of Humanity (Development of Separate Consciousness)
Adult = Kingdom of Evolved Beings (Higher Consciousness on Earth)
Of course, many human souls will not 'make it' to the next phase, in the same way that not every child makes it to adulthood, and not every gamete is fertilised. However, just as minerals, plants, and animals have continued to exist during the human ('child') planetary phase, so human beings will continue to exist once the new 'spiritually evolved' beings have been fully birthed: In short, The Adults will not replace The Children, they will offer help, support and guidance to The Children, who up until recently have been left floundering around by themselves in a 'Lord of the Flies' type scenario.

Ascended Beings will not replace humanity because all Earthly creations are part of a cosmic continuum and each new stage of evolution co-exists alongside the previous stages. All it means is that The Children of the Earth (humanity) will no longer have to struggle without the support of loving 'parental guidance' in the flesh, so to speak. Jesus was the first to Ascend (that we know of) and he paved the way for humanity to begin the Mass Ascension Process. In the New Age, there will be many, many more individuals like him who will help lead the way to Peace on Earth.

Up until now, it has been a case of the blind leading the blind; humanity has been led by our instinctive, child (ego) selves in a bloody, traumatic quest for the survival of the fittest. As humanity has grown up we have developed more awareness of our power. However, without reliable adult (conscious) guidance on how to manage and utilise this incredible power, it has only led us to cause increasingly terrifying damage to ourselves, each other and the planet. The unguided child of humanity has created a chaotic 'hell' here on earth which the New Beings will help to clean up.

2012 is only the beginning – the Earth Goddess is currently in the process of 'birthing' increasing numbers of Ascended Beings while humanity plummets into a deep cataclysmic crisis of its own (unconscious) making. If the Earth is the Great Mother – then she too is in turmoil as she supports the 'birthing' of the Ascended Beings. But rather than the Goddess giving birth to a new baby, the 2012 'birthing' process is actually the metamorphosis of her (human) child through adolescence into adulthood.

Humanity has evolved as far as it can as the Unconscious Child of The Great Goddess and now all that is left for us to do is metamorphose into the natural next state of being; Conscious Adulthood. So, even though I have described the Ascension as a 'birthing' process, which it absolutely is, another analogy for the 2012 process would be the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly...            

If you have enjoyed what you read - don't forget to 'like it' or comment below!


Saturday, 14 July 2012

2012: The Big Picture

Yesterday I realised two major things. Firstly, that the Ascension is a birthing process; I have literally been experiencing 'giving birth' to my Self over the last 18 months. On an micro/personal level, this is what each individual soul must go through in order to ascend. By sharing our personal stories and our 'strength and hope' with others, we give much needed support to those who are embarking on this magnificent and sometimes terrifying journey. I will continue to do this and hope you too will be inspired to share your comments, queries and stories on this site.

Secondly, I have become aware that everything required to activate the social 'break down' process in Britain is now in place and there really is no going back. Although I am aware that this 'break down' process is in fact global and already underway, things are going to snowball significantly over the next few years and presently I feel best able to comment on what is happening in my own country. I am sure that similar things will be or are already happening in other so called 'developed' (rich) countries, so even if you do not live in Britain, I am sure you will still relate to much of what I am going to be writing about.

I am not trying to sound melodramatic or fatalistic. I believe knowledge is power and I am absolutely sure that this is why humanity has been blessed with the gift of the internet at such a deeply challenging time. I also believe that we need to prepare ourselves for what is realistically going to transpire over the next 5 years because of very real decisions that have already been made by very real politicians who currently hold very real power over every aspect of our lives. I am not talking about aliens, meteriorites or the end of the world, I am talking about the complete break down of society which is being precipitated by those currently in power stubbornly refusing to change.

This isn't about scare mongering it is about Being Prepared.

I have always seen '2012' as both a personal and collective process but I have tried to remain 'unpolitical' in my comments so far. While I have always been politically aware and active to some degree, in my mid twenties I realised that ranting and raging at 'The Establishment' could easily be used as a distraction from facing inner demons. I was aware that I had some major work to do on myself and knew instictively that dealing with these 'inner' issues would not only help me, but it would actually be my first real step towards helping to 'save the world'.

After 20 years of hard graft 'working on myself', I now feel it is time to bring the two together; the personal and the political, the macro and the micro, the inner and the outer worlds. When healing the world, you really can't just deal with one side of the coin, you must find a way to synthesise it all. I still firmly believe that we must always begin with ourselves, because ultimately we are powerless over others. And also, as Maggie quoted in her comments on the last post: 'you save yourself or you remain unsaved'

I have so much to write about it is sometimes hard to know where to begin so I will start by letting you know that this blog is evolving just as we all are and it will now include my thoughts and insights on the macro/ political/ outer world as well as insights and experiences on the Micro / personal/ inner world. And I will attempt to tie it all together for you! : )

Watch this space!


Thursday, 12 July 2012

'Be a Light Unto Yourself'...

I am so in this process I often don't know if I am coming or going. Just as I come up for air, I get pulled under again...

A recent situation with an ex sent me back into the vortex. There further in to this process I go the less I have to lean on because all my old coping mechanisms (including another incredibly powerful and enduring fantasy about the relationship with my ex) are being disabled or stripped away from me. It has been a very close call since last week's full moon and I honestly have never been so close to the edge of my sanity. I nearly called for the men in white coats to come and take me away... ANYTHING would be better than this.

But what is this?

This is not being mobile as my back is threatening to prolapse again. Not being able to get or stay in a 'normal' job. Not knowing where I am going to move to or when, when I know I am going to have to soon. Having one trauma or 'set back' after another, relentlessly for 18 months. Having everything I have been trying to 'make work' all my life fail stupendously. Realising I have not had a single close healthy relationship with a man ever in my life (just an enormous 'grave yard' full of traumatic relationships I have ceaselessly had to leave behind...) Being alone in my flat 95% of the time and no longer even having a fantasy left to protect me!   

Protection from what?

From THIS, from the nothingness – The Void. I am completely and utterly on my own. I am not really 'attached' to anyone or anything. All my support is (gratefully) received from afar. I have no boyfriend, 'best friend', family member, no job, no project or mission, no plan, no idea where I am going, no sense of anything 'holding me down' or defining me; I am simply existing. I have no mountain to climb, no resolution to find, no problem to fix. I have no individual relationship nor role in the world to define me and every time I try to attach myself to (or even simply hang onto) someone or something, it all spectacularly blows up in my face! 

All that is left is ME. The terrifying panic comes from the belief that without those relationships/roles defining me and giving me a sense of security in the world, I am just floating along a meandering river or drifting with the tide and that my life is completely meaningless. Without the day to day drama of relationships with family, partners, children and close friends or even a job, project or goals for the future, who the hell are we?

While I was in the midst of my emotional crisis a good friend sent me a text with some very wise words...

'Be a light unto yourself;
Be take yourself to no external refuge.
Hold fast to the truth.
Look not to anyone for refuge besides yourself.'

The Buddha

Perhaps easier said than done Mr Buddha!!!!


Saturday, 30 June 2012

Excavating The Soul

What a journey! I feel completely awed by the enormity, the complexity and the synchronicity of it all, the way everything has come together and now makes sense is astounding...

I always knew I was on a big journey but never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this. I was always trying to 'get' somewhere, always seeking answers, resolution and an end to all the pain. And there is so much pain and struggle in the world, I honestly don't know how anyone survives it. Yet here I am in June 2012, aged 41 without a single thing I thought I needed to feel OK about myself or my life. No relationship, (well not in any conventional sense – but that's another story!), no glitzy career, no soaring success, no children, and no, not even a big lottery win...

The 40 year struggle to secure something or someone 'out there' has me completely and utterly defeated. Yet, suddenly and incomprehensibly everything makes perfect sense. Despite every effort to 'get my life back on track', every attempt has been categorically blocked. In the space that has been 'forcibly' created, I have set about consciously engaging in a process of letting go, releasing and purifying on a scale that would make anyone's eyes water.

Since the full moon eclipse at the beginning of June, my life has begun unfolding in the most surprising and awesome way. Over the past few weeks I have arrived in a reality that is somehow simultaneously both infinitely simpler and infinitely more complex. I am 'joining dots' and having 'aha' moments all the time, so much so that they are no longer mere 'moments' they have become a continuous State of Being. It's not just one light that has been switched on, it's a whole city! I feel like my mind has been broken open, releasing all the dross and expanding into a whole new way of perceiving reality.

(I began this piece of writing in my journal and then thought this is exactly the kind of writing I need to share on this blog, so I have copied it out for you and will continue with it here on line...)

It turns out my journal writing has been massively instrumental in this recent 'awakening' process. A few weeks ago I was guided to begin the process of going through all my old letters and journals to begin releasing the past and this is some 'guided writing' I found:

22nd April 2012
'We want you to let go of the past Freja. We want you to let go of all that has happened to you. All the people you have released, all the pain and struggle, all the fear and anger, all that no longer serves you and the identity you have created out of your survival patterns. You need to release them all....

You are split between your old identity and the new one which has yet to fully emerge. Your ego is finding the changes terrifying and keeps trying to throw you back into the familiar old ways....

You need to release all the negative writing Freja – all of it. It is doing nothing but holding you back and keeping you in the past. It is time to say good bye, to 'burn the bridges'. You do not need the pain or to identify with what happened to you. You cannot be free while you carry this around with you. You are not letting it go in anger or fear, but with forgiveness, compassion and release. You need to begin this process now. Remember this is about a DEEP let go, not a rehashing of old resentments. If 'stuff' comes up, you need to release it with the rest.

The past must be burned and released. You need to let go of your identity as an 'abuse survivor' and a 'wounded child' or a 'co-dependent' or a 'love addict' – you are evolving and need to release these 'tags' which have enabled you to find your spiritual path and connect with your soul. These 'tags' were a tool; they helped you identify the problem and find a solution, but they are not who you are in essence. It is time to evolve past these issues and become your liberated self...'

And so, very slowly I set about going through all my letters and journals and other boxes of paper work I have been carting around for years because I felt I needed to hold on to it for evidence. This paper work included my teaching 'portfolio of evidence', my coaching course notes and all my 12 Step work/writing. I have literally gone through my whole adult life – the twenty odd years I have been trying to get over my childhood – and symbolically burned or recycled the lot. I also went through all my books and passed on any I was no longer using. Any books to do with my journey up to this point that were no longer relevant for the path ahead were given to people I thought may benefit or to charity.

This massive 'clear out' brought me to finally address my many boxes of journals. The question was, should I simply burn the lot of them? This idea filled me with dread and also seemed to defeat the whole object of keeping records of my life. I have kept a diary from the age of 9 and I felt my writing had at times literally saved my life – so I felt I owed it to myself and my journals to at least have a read through to see if there was anything worth keeping.

I decided to keep the childhood ones as I had read them many times before and there weren;t piles of them taking up too much room. I also decided to keep all my old letters because they inspired positive feelings. I also no longer felt a nostalgic longing or regret for old relationships that had simply passed away. And so began the incredible process of reading through the record I had kept during my 20 year healing process. I began the 'excavation process' with my journal dated April 1992 for it was then that I had made a conscious decision to find a way to deal with the terrible mess I was in, the mess that unfortunately was 'my life'.

In all the years I have kept a journal, I have never tried reading all the way through, I had only ever gone back to read specific bits. This was a full 20 years worth of writing and I decided to go through it all. I didn't read it word for word, for there were large amounts of ranting and processing, especially in the early years – but I did flick through every single page and decide if it was a page I would like to keep or to release. When I started this project I had absolutely no idea where it would lead me – I just felt great chucking out / burning vast swathes of paper with words I no longer needed to read or carry around with me. It was hugely cathartic.

I was surprised to discover that I was 'over' it all. While a few feelings did come up here and there, as I read stuff that I had felt deeply pained by (even when going back to read it many years later,) I didn't feel triggered, I felt for the first time like an observer. There wasn't numbness or torment; it was simply 'time to let this go' and so that's exactly what I did!

I was also surprised to discover lots of really interesting little gems of insight, hope and sometimes even premonition – and I loved excavating these treasures out of the rubble of my early adult life. I also decided to keep writing about key events so I would have a basic record of my journey. The first five years was whittled down from about 6 arch folders down to 1 and the same again for the next five years. This brought me up to 2002. With only two arch files of writing covering 10 years of my life, I was feeling so much lighter!

The best thing about the first part of the process was seeing how far I had come and realising that I was over the soul destroying pain of it. I really never thought I'd see the day. My childhood was pure hell and I spent my twenties flailing about like a piece of flotsam and jetsam in a raging ocean storm. Even between storms – I still felt cast aside, alone and adrift in a vast terrifying ocean. While I already knew I had come out of that place, it was really wonderful to realise that I no longer even felt the memory of it affected me. It was a huge blessing and relief to get the chance to let it all go...

I didn't know what to expect in terms of reading about the next ten years (2002 – 2012) I had imagined that most of the recovery/healing had taken place in the first 10 years, it was, after all the period in which I had painstakingly 'uncovered' all the abuse of my childhood and by peeling away layers and layers of denial both in myself and in my family. (It really was grueling work and it seemed to go on for ever, but then I did have an awful lot to uncover and process...)

What I hadn't seen was that actually most of the healing took place after the uncovering and that actually my process snowballed after that. There was of course some cross over, but once I had completed cracking myself open and all the pieces of the jigsaw of my life had been revealed, a deeper somehow more subtle healing process began. The next task was to find a way to put myself back together, minus all the 'crap' I had inherited/ experienced and to let go of the layers upon layers of defenses and survival mechanisms I had built up during years of dealing with deep suffering.

I was therefore surprised to discover that the closer I got to 2012, the harder I found it to condense my writing. During the last 12 months I had written 2 arch files and have only been able to condense it down to 1! There is much less ranting in my writing and while there has been 'processing', it  has happened increasingly fast – to the point where I have addressed more than 10 major issues in the last 12 months, all at lightening speed and with almost none of the usual 'fall out'.

I also became aware that a clear 'acceleration' began in 2005 and that by 2011, my journals took on a whole new dimension. What amazes me is that I was completely unaware of this until I read through it all! Up until I decided to read through it all, I had only been aware of being 'in a (strange) process' I could neither understand nor control. I have discovered that somehow, while I was busy trying to keep putting one front of the other, I was also unwittingly receiving and recording some incredibly deep insights into my soul, my life path and also into the 2012 process.

Ultimately, 'it' all happened when I wasn't looking (or trying or striving...) I just continued to do what I naturally felt drawn to do or in some cases was pushed to do by the Universe. It has all unfolded so perfectly that I will never again doubt my journey or that I am being guided to exactly the right experiences I need in order to evolve as a human being. And I have also discovered that although I have received much valuable guidance along the way, both from other people and from spirit – the only accurate 'compass' I have on this journey is my soul

I have discovered that my entire process thus far has been about excavating my soul and learning how to 'read', understand and follow her guidance. Now that I have found her and have learned how to communicate with her, I am finally free to walk in alignment with my soul's purpose here on planet Earth. And, seeing as I have kept such an in depth record of it all, I am sure part of my purpose is to help others excavate their own souls from the rubble of this thing we call 'life'.

Writing has been a major part of this process on so many different levels and now I am enjoying the process of sharing it with you. I have come 'full circle' in so far as I have finally 'caught up' with the journey I have been living and come to a place of acceptance and understanding that I never knew was even possible. And I am really not sure what comes next, but for the first time in my life I find this deeply and inexplicably exciting!