Thursday, 21 June 2012

Learning to Go With The Flow...

Happy Summer Solstice!

Only 6 months to go...

I really have absolutely no idea what life has in sort... Sort? I actually meant to write store. I am doing a massive sort out at the moment, maybe that was a confirmation of what life has in store for the time being?

For the first time in my life, I have completely let go. I have no plans, no goals, and absolutely no idea where I am going! OK, I have to be honest here - I have spent much of the first 6 months of this year kicking, screaming and wailing against the relentless 'melt down' I have been experiencing. I kept thinking I had finished then yet another 'thing' would come a long. It was like, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! NOT THIS TOO!!! But once the process started, there really was no going back and now that I am on the other side (with absolutely nothing left to let go of), I feel totally amazing. It was definitely worth the pain and angst. I have been stripped so bare that people have been asking me if I have lost weight, when actually I put on half a stone with my wide eyed comfort eating.

I have spent my life being very goal oriented. From about the age of 12 I can remember making distinct, big decisions to turn my life around and/or to focus all my energy on something positive or disciplined. I have always felt like I was on some BIG mission. The older I got the stronger and more urgent the calling felt. (No surprises then that I named this blog 'Mission Possible'!)

I created this blog in an attempt to other help people with the 2012 transition. I wanted to be all 'on the case' with regular blogging – like my usual 'on the case' self. Of course I really had absolutely no idea what the scale of the 'transition' life was going to put me through or that my process would render me completely speechless, not to mention emotionally and physically drained for much of the time.

I have been blown away by the last 12  - 18 months but it feels it is now time to have another go of writing this blog. However, I must warn you – I am no longer on a mission to do anything! I have been transformed by the Gods from Ms Incredibly Dynamic into Ms Go With The Flow which still feels a little strange and trippy at times. Though I believe my own transition is now complete, I am still getting used to living in this very different state of Being, an adjustment which is not at all helped by the fact that the very state itself involves being OK with having absolutely no idea where I am going or what I am 'meant' to be doing... Don't you just love the great ironies of life?

Just as a little funny 'synchronicity' anecdote; someone gave me an film to watch recently called 'I Know Where I Am Going!' - and yes that exclamation mark really is part of the title! I have had the film a few weeks, but only watched it a few days ago and I swear the main character was me. If you too are struggling with your sense of purpose or goals in life being thwarted, you might want to give it a viewing. It is a story about ambitions in love - but you can apply it to anything.

So, all I can do now is follow The Flow and see where life takes me, trusting that life is unfolding exactly as it should...     


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