Death, Rebirth and What Comes Next...

Since I began writing this blog, my understanding of 2012 and the objectives of this website have evolved beyond all recognition. Initially I thought I was going be recording insights and general observations while encouraging others to take on the 2012 ‘spiritual challenge’. However, almost as soon as I committed to writing MissionPossible2012, my personal world began falling apart on a major scale. Suddenly I found myself right in the middle of the 2012 process instead of simply observing it. I wonder if perhaps unconsciously I had committed to writing this blog to help me remain conscious during the challenging process I was about to undertake...

A few weeks after I began this blog, I had a major break up with Mr Wonderful – the ‘spiritually aware’ man I felt I had been waiting for all my life. After two years together, I was devastated to discover our relationship was a long way from ‘conscious’ but rather it was based on mutual dependency which was cleverly covered up with fantasy and illusion. Then soon after we split, I reached breaking point with (most of) my family and finally walked away after years of trying to work things out and find a resolution. Shortly after this I suffered a second severe prolapsed disc that landed me in hospital and required urgent spinal surgery. When I came out of hospital to recuperate in October 2011, I thought I had reached rock bottom in my life and would soon be on the way back up, just in time for the arrival of 2012. I thought there couldn’t possibly be any more for me to have to face up to and deal with. How wrong was I!!! 

I began 2012 with the worst depression and anxiety of my life. I had severe mood swings which went from suicidal to homicidal and I felt complete terror whenever I thought about my future. Though these feelings were triggered by my hospitalisation and all the painkillers, all they had done was lift the lid and reveal the underlying hopelessness and pain I had been carrying deep within me since childhood. I felt like I had fallen off the edge of the earth. I had no sense of security, purpose or direction and I felt completely powerless to do anything about it. I couldn’t believe I had been struggling with my healing for over 20 years only to end up single, childless, jobless and incapacitated the age of 40. Hardly a Beacon of Light for Humanity!

In this sorry state I psychically ‘called’ an ex. Sure enough, 5 weeks later I received an email. We had not had any contact for about three years, but he had searched for me online and found my email address. In 2007 I had resolutely walked away from our (extremely) dysfunctional on-off relationship in search of Mr Wonderful. However, I had not yet reached an inner resolution; I had simply put my intense desire for him in a securely padlocked box and hidden it under the bed for safe keeping. Despite the enormous difficulties in our relationship, I still held onto our ‘special’ psychic bond and believed us to be soul mates that just couldn’t be together in the physical world. 

I would have never psychically called him to me if I hadn’t have been in such a weakened state, but as it turned out, I did need to take that carefully stored box out from under the bed and take another look inside. When he contacted me I wasn’t at all surprised and though I was extremely wary of getting involved again, I made the decision to consciously engage with my desire to find out what it was really made of. When I opened my heart to him without reservation I discovered to my dismay that our special bond was yet another fantasy based on dependency and power struggles that I was no longer interested in. So after eight years of intense attraction, I was finally able to let him go.

In 12 months I had lost the two most significant loves of my life. Once I let them go I found that I also lost the flame of inner desire, something that had been keeping me going all through my adult life. Never had I felt so completely and utterly cut off from the opposite sex. As this second relationship came to a final close, I knew that I had to move house and find a way to sort out my working life and finances, so when my back started to get bad again, I plummeted into an even deeper level of despair. On one level I understood I must still be in the process, it’s just I just couldn't understand what God wanted from me – it was like I was being asked to survive on thin air. I truly felt that if things were to keep going the way they were, I just wasn’t going to make it.

At the end of August 2012 I finally did hit rock bottom, a rock bottom I discovered, that had been following me around like a shadow since childhood. I had spent my life trying to out smart it, but it was always there right beside me. I had to face my deepest fears and I had to have everything in my life stripped away from me before I would be able to do it. I had asked for this experience because I wanted to heal and I was clearly ready for it, but that didn’t stop my terrified ego fighting every step of the way. But on the 23^rd of August, I finally gave in to it; I allowed myself to die. I realised I didn’t need to physically die to bring my suffering to a final conclusion, I saw that I could allow myself to die and be reborn on a spiritual level. All I had to do was give up the struggle to survive and control and hand myself and my life over completely to the care of The Goddess.

For nearly 2 years I was gripped in Her birth canal being squeezed with increasingly excruciating, terrifying contractions. Somehow I had managed to survive the re-birthing process and I am sure that being aware of the 2012 Ascension process provided me with an anchor. As soon as I had completed my re-birthing, my life began to move forward again. I still didn’t have any idea where I needed to be or what I needed to be doing, so I asked for guidance and waited. Within three weeks I received three dreams all showing me that I needed to move back to Bristol, so I figured that this was whaty I must do. I had very mixed feelings about doing this but I had put my life into the hands of The Goddess and trusted the guidance I was given. Within two months of my Shamanic death, I was welcomed back to Bristol with open arms and my back was better than it had been in over 3 years.

Though the actual move unfolded perfectly, inwardly I was screaming. I had been holed up by myself in the countryside for months on end spending most of my time connecting with nature, Spirit and myself. Despite my isolation and foreboding about the future, I actually felt extremely comfortable and safe in my cosy flat surrounded by trees and beautiful countryside. I was feeling extremely sensitive, anti social and resistant and yet Spirit was clearly guiding me to move to back to the city. When I first arrived I felt like a new born overwhelmed with the noise and the lights and the people, and like a new born I screamed and cried with the shock. But I knew in my heart that I was exactly where I was meant to be and that in time I would adjust...  

      

All the time I have been writing this blog I have been wanting to get my own process ‘out of the way’ so I could get on with helping other people. What I didn’t realise was that MissionPossible2012 was really all about getting myself through the process – a process I had absolutely no understanding of until I had seen it through to completion. Part of the reason I was in such a hurry was because I believed ‘it’ would all be over by the end of 2012 but now I can see with absolute clarity that ‘it’ will only actually begin after the event, in the Spring of 2013. And I have also come to see that there is absolutely no urgency and no deadline to try to meet, because everything is unfolding exactly as it should. 

So, it seems this blog has fulfilled its mission 17 days ahead of time as I am already preparing for what comes next, for Imbolc 2013 and the Returning Goddess. It would also seem that the blog MissionPossible2012 is ready to evolve into something new... so watch this space!

Freja  ♥

2012 Event in Bristol

2012: Aliens, Armaggedon or an Almighty Anti-Climax? Come and find out what 2012 is really all about...

Author, Shamanic healer and 2012 blogger Freja Shamanka shares her insights and vision for the future - just in time for the big event!

£3 (Suggested donation)

Talk @ The Arts House, Stokes Croft, Bristol
Wed 12.12.12 at 7.30pm

Refreshments available at the cafe bar; SPECIAL deal mulled wine and veggie hot pot £5

Facebook Event: http://www.facebook.com/events/386143551467013/

The Doorway to the New Age

On the 21^st of December 2012, the door will finally close on the last 26,000 years of human experience, the last Great Year. '2012' marks a collective shift of consciousness which is the natural result of the process of spiritual learning we have gone through during this long period. By 'spiritual learning' I mean the lessons, the struggles and the development of consciousness that has arisen directly out of our painful separation from Source. I say 'Source' because if I say 'God', it has certain connotations which can be misleading, because the 'god' we have been separating from is the feminine aspect, The Goddess – the mother from which we all came.

Although this Great Year has culminated in the most unimaginable suffering, the process we have been through has all been part of evolution of Humanity. Even though mind boggling atrocities continue to be committed by one human being against another every second of every day, a deep and lasting change in human consciousness has already occurred.

This can be hard to believe because as we begin to notice and talk about these abuses, they appear to be increasing. Actually they are not, we are just more aware of them and of the dire consequences they cause. One only has to think back to the time of the Roman Empire, Henry the VIII, or even the beginning of last Century to see that life in the West is nowhere near as brutal or (overtly) oppressive. We are coming out of denial about these abuses and the truth we have to face up to is deeply shocking and painful. The process of coming out of denial always feels worse because it was the denial that was protecting us from the pain.

One also only has to go back 100 years to also see that the human spirit is waking up to these abuses of power and collectively we are beginning to do something about it. Of course we still have a very long way to go to change our conditioned beliefs about power and to clear up the mess, but change is happening and that change is accelerating at an unprecedented speed. (We may think things are going slowly because we who are alive today have only ever known rapid change. But actually the last 300 years have seen more social and technological advancement than the entire previous 26,000 period. Comparatively, things are changing at lightening speed.)

So, you may well be wondering, what has all this got to do with the Goddess? Well, the answer to this is very simple. Around 26,000 years ago humanity began the journey of separation from the Great Mother so that we could develop consciousness. (In Biblical terms this separation from The Goddess was The Fall from Eden.) Just as a child must separate from it's mother to develop into an autonomous conscious adult, humanity has had to separate from the Great Mother that gave form to us all.

Human childhood involves a far more difficult task than simply learning how to physically survive. From a young age, children begin the incredibly complex struggle to define the Self, to discover personal power and to develop conscious awareness. During the last 26,000 years, Humanity as a whole has been going through this painful process of growing up and of developing consciousness. For that process to have been able to take place, the separation from the Great Mother and all the power struggles were absolutely necessary.

At the end of 2012, this process of separation will come to an end because we have gone as far as we needed to go. As soon as Humanity became capable of destroying our Earth Mother and to leave Her by going into space, we ceased to be children. That is not to say we have reached full adult maturity, (far from it!) but we have come of age. This means we are ready for the next stage in our development which involves learning the responsible use of our power and how to form equal unions with 'the other'. We are not about to return to the prehistoric Mother Goddess days, we are returning to Her as evolved beings who have completed a process of self actualisation. As we return to the Goddess, we seek to re-unite with Her as conscious, empowered adults.

In the next stage of our spiritual development will learn how to re-balance all the polarities that were created by The Separation, without losing the gifts of individuality and diversity. We will discover how to balance woman with man, masculine with feminine and Earth with Heaven. We will re-learn how to dig spiritual roots deep into the Earth so we can gain strength from Her as we continue reaching for the stars. We will begin to understand that opposites are just two sides of the same coin and that we have all lived out both sides on a soul level. We will learn how to relate to 'the other' as an equal and how to conduct conscious, liberated sexual relationhsips. 

But for all of this to become possible, we must first reawaken the Divine Feminine which had to be supressed for The Separation to occur. We must seek ways to incorporate Her into every aspect of our personal and collective lives. Once the door to the Old Way is closed on Winter Solstice 2012, we will be completely free to open the door to the Returning Goddess. However, the new door will not open to Her on the 21^st December nor on the day after because we must pause to reflect and purify ourselves during the winter before we begin moving forward in the spring. The door to the New Age, the new Great Year and the Returning Goddess will open as the 'baton of light' is passed to the Goddess Brigit at the first signs of spring. This happens on Imbolc 2013 which next year falls on the 3^rd of February.

Now that will be a day that is worth celebrating!

Freja ♥

The Dark Goddess and the Floods

Before I continue with the previous post, a little interlude...

All I can say is WOW. Crew's Hole Road has been closed between the flats where I live and Conham River Park and so I decided to venture down to have a look. Its a narrow little wooded lane with no street lighting. Without the threat of any cars being able to hurtle around the corner, I was able to walk along the dark passageway to where the road gets closest to the swollen river Avon.

It was eerily silent and peaceful, all except for the rushing of the river as it eddied through the trees on the river banks. It felt scary walking along the road, not because of the dark which I loved, but because of the threat of the torrential river breaking its banks at any moment. I reached the point where the road dips and found that the river was only 1 or 2 inches from reaching the top of its concrete containment.

As I stood there both exhilarated and awed by the power of nature; I remembered the the Dark Goddess. I remembered that the moon is currently waxing and only 2 days away from being full. I remembered that this full moon will also be a powerful eclipse, and the last one before the end of this Great Year, Humanity's 26,000 year journey of separation from the Goddess. I remembered that the Dark Goddess Lilith has made herself known through Her owl messenger, and that only a couple of hours before, I had been blown away by a beautiful picture of a huge red full moon with an owl flying beneath, wings outstretched. I remembered that earlier this afternoon I had smiled when I saw a man walking along who was wearing red tracksuit bottoms, a bobble hat and a little ruck sack with a huge owl on it.

I also remembered that these are Brigit's Isles, and that Britannia (Brigit Anna) is the land of the Goddess. I remembered and that Glastonbury (and the South West) is where we feel closest to Her and where we go to access Her energies. As I stood there silently remembering all these things, I said a prayer to honour The Great Goddess in all Her forms and I offered myself in complete service. And as I stood there, face to face with the Dark Goddess, I felt utterly and completely safe. 

Freja  ♥

2012: Closing the Door on The Old Way

I have been blogging about my '2012' journey over the past 18 months, in a somewhat haphazard, meandering way. Suddenly here we all are with less than amonth to go and despite my 'best laid plans', I have only just received all the jigsaw pieces and been able to put them all together. Far more has gone on behind the scenes than I could possibly have shared with you – there just wouldn't have been enough hours in the day to write it all as well as live it. But now I have finally come out the other side and reached an inner peace and absolute clarity, I can see the meandering was all part of The Plan.

I am not sure where the time has gone but I do know this, no one is really talking about what happens next. (At least, not that I am aware of.) It seems that everyone is anticipating a big event on the 21^st of December 2012 and that nothing beyond that date really matters. Perhaps this is because we believe it will either be the end of the world, the end of our time here on earth, the end of all pain and suffering or it will just be business as usual, so whatever is going to happen after '2012' seems pointless to even think about.

Those who are waiting for Armageddon will wake up on the 22^nd of December scratching their heads wondering if perhaps they got the wrong date. Those who are expecting to be magically transported to a magical La La Land where there is no pain or suffering will feel the bitter pang of disillusionment. And those who have 'always been a little skeptical' will simply dismiss '2012' as another mass hysteria based on fantasy, and in some ways they would be right. Winter Solstice 2012 is not going to be a 'Hollywood style' end of the world nor will it be when a group of spiritually elite souls escape on a spaceship to some higher dimension and if we measure what actually happens by these fantasies, then 22^nd of December will be just another day of Christmas shopping and a huge anti-climax.

People have become so fixated on 'what is going to happen next' in terms of external events, that many are missing out on what is already happening now. We are so used to the intense stimulation and mass hysteria created by the media and fanned by social networking, that for anything to have any real meaning or importance these days, it has to be BIG and LOUD and it has to send us reeling. If a global event has even the slightest chance of outshining a trip to the local cinema to see your average Hollywood movie, it would have to send the entire population of the world into a roller coaster ride of terror and catastrophe. Expecting Winter Solstice 2012 to unfold like an American disaster movie is like expecting God to wave his big finger down at you to let you know you've won the lottery. Thankfully, God is a little more subtle than that.

Those who are waiting for an earth shattering horrific global event to occur; it has already happened many times over – World War I and II are just the tip of the iceberg. Those who are waiting for the established world order to start crumbling; it is already happening in every corner of human civilization which is why there is such a sense of impending doom and an urgency in everything we do. Those who are waiting for someone to point us in the right direction and show us the way out; many enlightened spiritual leaders have already been provided - Buddha, Jesus and Gandhi to name but a few. All that is actually left to 'happen' is for us to close the door on the Old Way and reconnect with the Light. Thankfully people across the world have already begun this healing process and on the 21^st of December 2012 at 11.20 am GMT, the door will finally close on the past.

This may well be the most momentous and significant 'event' in recorded human history, but there will be no need for you to go out and by popcorn and diet coke because there will be nothing for you to sit and watch. The only way to experience the awesome power of Winter Solstice 2012 is by joining with the people (and spirit helpers) who are already in the process of closing the door. To be part of 2012 all you need is the positive intention to close the door and to open your heart to the millions of souls who will be 'joining forces' with you in that moment, whether you can see them or not. If you decide not to join in with this collective prayer you needn't worry, the door will still be closed. But should you decide you want to experience the awe and wonder of '2012' then you will have to close your eyes and feel it. 

And as for what will happen next? Well, they say that once one door closes, another door will open...

To be continued...

Freja ♥

Trusting the Divine Plan

So this is what it is all about – it is about going with the flow. It is about paying attention and allowing things to unfold in their own time. It's about not having any agenda and not knowing how or where or when. It is about being completely open to Life and trusting something else is working through us. It is about being completely guided, not having any plan at all. But this is incredibly scary because it is about completely relinquishing my own will, (and I have an incredibly strong one!) and about dropping all attempts to control or direct my life. It is about aligning with Spirit so that Spirit leads me, rather than me trying to get Spirit to give me what it is I think I want or need, or to help me do what I think I should be doing.

As I go deeper into this letting go, I am becoming more aware of a deep underlying anxiety. It manifests as hyper sensitivity and alertness. I notice my muscles contracting, my breathing being tight and shallow. I become fixated on my health or solving a problem or worrying about the future, something which sometimes I do not even dare to think about. I know I am letting go and trying to hold on all at the same time. Or rather, my Conscious Self is letting go and my unconscious self is in a state of deep terror and recurrent waves of anxiety. I thought letting go it would be a clear moment, a specific event but it is not – it is a continual, gradual process. 

I want to be relaxed. I want to go with the flow – something I experience much of the time. But it threatens something deep inside me, so I am letting go, letting go, letting go - then suddenly I find I am gritting my teeth again. I realise I am going deeper and deeper into it, getting further and further away from all that feels safe and familiar – all those self imposed limits and strategies for staying in control. Part of me refuses to let go, or rather, I find myself contracting again as if my very life was at stake.

I know there is no way back to the way things were. My Conscious Self understands this and totally embraces it; but my ego thinks I must be about to fall. My ego wants it all to be over, to get back to feeling like I am standing on tried and tested solid 'real' ground. But now I am floating freely, joyously even, but not yet completely trusting that I am not going to come crashing down at any moment to hit the ground with a thud. I accept my fears and gently allow myself to adjust to this new reality, to accept that this floating sensation is is what it feels like to let go, to surrender completely. I strengthen my faith in The Divine Plan and my trust that when I let go I can be safely carried to where ever I need to go.

Every day is a genuine new adventure, every step a journey deeper into the unknown.... and scary as it is, this is what it means to truly live.

Freja ♥

Have You Noticed All The Owls?

Everywhere I look I have been seeing owls. I see them on cards, purses, bags, teeshirts and owls made of feathers or felt carefully positioned in shop windows. Clearly they are in vogue at the moment but I am not talking about a few of them here or there, literally everywhere I look in the consumer world I see owls. I have been pondering on this for a few weeks now, but I just saw a photo of two owl egg cups on facebook and it got me thinking about them again – what could all the owls mean?

Last year around the same time of year, I had a tawny owl 'visitation' and wrote about it on facebook (Nov 21st 2011). Around the same time I also had a dream about a snowy owl floating above me in a wicker chair and dropping a quill in my lap. Then in the spring I found a dead owl in the road with its head missing but its wings and most of its feathers in tact which I was able to extract and use. Owl has become a very important animal totem for me personally and so I have been collecting owl images and ornaments over the past year and in my home, I felt drawn to make sure there was an owl presence in every room.

I had the Snowy Owl dream first which felt very significant, however the Tawny Owl visitation simply blew me away. I believe both hold the key to the meaning of all the owl energy we are now collectively experiencing. I had just finished doing a really positive shamanic reading on the phone and was chatting to another psychic friend when I heard a tapping on my window. I had my back to it and wondered what the hell it could be as I was on the first floor (above ground level). Still on the phone to my friend, I swiveled my chair around. As I turned, I saw that a tawny owl was sat there on my (outside) window sill. Not only had it tapped on the window seemingly to get my attention, but it had settled right behind a card I had propped up against the window which was part of a little Goddess alter. The card was Lilith and Owl is her totem animal.

After a few moments of me only being able to say Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God repeatedly to my poor friend on the other end of the phone, the owl then turned its head right around and looked me directly in the eye before flying off, hooting into the trees opposite. It was awesome not just that the owl had landed on my windowsill and looked directly at me, but that she had chosen to sit so her head was directly above Lilith. I nearly died on the spot with excitement – what a gift it was. What a powerful omen...

Within days I began the descent into what has turned out to be the most challenging 12 months of my life. It has been dark and painful and can only be described as an intense Shamanic death which (thankfully) culminated in late August. I am not going to go into that right now, but I do feel a strong need to share with you what all the owls mean. (If you haven't noticed them yet – next time you go to the shops keep your eyes peeled – they are literally everywhere!)

Owl medicine can mean many things but at this time she has made herself known to be acting as Lilith's messenger. I know this because Owl is Lilith's totem and one of her kind literally found an image of Lilith and placed herself by it then tapped on the window of someone who would understand the significance of her actions and then pay attention – something which I have continued to do ever since because the experience was so powerful.

Lilith is an aspect of the dark Goddess and represents feminine (sexual) power. The '2012' Ascension is all about the return of the Goddess and it requires the unleashing of the repressed aspects of the feminine, namely her sexual and spiritual powers. Lilith is by no means an easy energy to handle, (even for women because we are so out of practice,) but She absolutely must be honoured and embraced during the evolution of humanity. We will all need to call upon Her strength and guidance as we engage in the shifts of consciousness and earth changes which will be accelerating over the next few years. (2012 is the ending of the Old Way, next year is also a potent new beginning that will catapult us into the New Age and New Great Year.)

The owls have begun appearing in droves because the Goddess Lilith is making Her presence felt. Every time you see an owl, think of the Goddess and what you need to do to honour Her. If you are a woman, how can you take better care of yourself and what areas of your life do you need to step into your power? If you are a man, how can you improve your relationships with women or demonstrate more respect for the Divine Feminine?

At this potent time it is important that we all pay close attention to our intuition and to any significant nocturnal dreams. If you need guidance in any area of your life, call on Owl (or Lilith or The Goddess) before you go to sleep and ask her to guide you. Then pay attention to what you are shown in your dreams or through other signs in your waking life and trust you will be guided to what you need to to know. You can visualise Owl delivering you a message, meditate on Owl medicine or go on a Shamanic Journey to meet with Owl. The more you pay attention, the more support and guidance you will discover is available to you.  

Just one more important point on the significance of Owl and Lilith at this time. Today is a new moon (solar) eclipse and I thought I'd have a quick look at what both asteroid and Black Moon Lilith were doing at the time of the eclipse. Asteroid Lilith and Black Moon Lilith are conjunct (next to each other in the sky and therefore joining forces) and Black Moon Lilith (the dark, hidden aspects of the Goddess) is in an exact T square with Mercury (Messenger of the Gods) and Neptune (The Divine Realm). All three are at 0 degrees (in Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces respectively) The 'number' 0 representing both God and infinity... to quote Doreen Virtue about 0: 'God is talking to you. When you see a zero, it's a sign of the endless circle of Omega without beginning or end. God is trying to get your attention with a word of reassurance or Divine guidance.'

This eclipse has a VERY strong message from the Divine: Wake up to the Dark Goddess. She has returned and She needs you to start honouring Her and to start paying close attention. 

When I saw the photo of the owl egg cups on facebook (Hannah Turner Ceramics) and felt inspired to write about Owl as the messenger of the Goddess Lilith, I wasn't surprised to discover she is involved in today's solar eclipse - the last one at the end of a 26,000 year cycle of feminine repression. Tonight the moon (feminine) is totally eclipsing the sun (masculine) and making herself known through shadow. All the owls we find in our shops signify Lilith's potent return to our collective consciousness, and assures us that She is preparing our psyches for whatever is coming next. Ignore Her at your peril!

Freja ♥